I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
