After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
