Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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