Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
