don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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