I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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