I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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