You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
