Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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