I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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