so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
