Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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