how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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