he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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