woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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