He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
