she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
