My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just threw up on my dentist
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
