I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
