I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
