I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
