My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
