chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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