Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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