Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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