3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
