I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
3pm strippers are depressing
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
