He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
