I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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