dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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