Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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