Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
