let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
