i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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