who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
