I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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