if you like me you must not know who I am
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
