im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I need a beard to bite.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
