you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
