So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
