I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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