Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
