So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
