she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
