Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Houston, we have a blender
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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