You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
