Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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