i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You took a bar mat shot.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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