yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
