i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
