Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
