Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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