Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Are we still banned from the library?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
