he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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